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pleasantandinlikingit.Well,I’mnotpleasant.I’mnot
breezyandcordial.Ican’tdoit.Imakeataskofwhat
isapastimetoallofyou,andIonlyshufflethrough
mytask.I’mnotpopular,I’mnotliked.It’snoearthly
usesayingIam.Idon’tlikethelife;itseems
tomesenseless.Andthosewholiveitdon’tlikeme.
Theythinkmeheavy–justheavy.AndIhaveenough
sensitivenesstoknowit.”
Michaelneednothavestatedhisreasons,forhis
cousincouldcertainlyhaveguessedthem;hecould,
too,haveconfessedtothetruthofthem.Michaelhad
notthelighthand,whichissonecessarywhenyoung
menworktogetherinacompanionshipofwhichthe
cordialityisanessentialpartofthework;neitherhad
heinthesocialsideoflifethatparticularand
inimitablesortofeasyself-confidencewhich,ashehad
saidjustnow,enablesitsownertofloat.Except
inyearshewasnotyoung;hecouldnotmanage
tobeclubable”;hewasseriousandawkward
atasupperparty;hewasaltogetherwithoutthe
effervescencewhichisnecessaryinordertoavoid
flatness.Hedidhisworkalsointhesameconscientious
butleadenway;officersandmenalikefeltit.Allthis
Francisknewperfectlywell;butinstead
ofacknowledgingit,hetriedquitefruitlesslytosmooth
itover.
Aren’tyouexaggerating?”heasked.
Michaelshookhishead.
Oh,don’ttoneitdown,Francis!”hesaid.Even
ifIwasexaggerating–whichIdon’tforamoment
admit–theeffectonmygeneralefficiencywouldbethe
same.IthinkwhatIsayistrue.”
Francisbecamemorepractical.
Butyou’veonlybeenintheregimentthreeyears,”
hesaid.Itwon’tbeverypopularresigningafteronly
threeyears.”
Ihavenothingmuchtoloseonthescore
ofpopularity,”remarkedMichael.
Therewasnothingpertinentthatcouldbeconsoling
