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1.1840-1844:THEFIRSTFOURCHILDREN
theQueencommenteduwhichI’msureIwillneverthink”andaddedthat
havingchildrenuistheONLYthingIdread”.42
ItseemsthatVictoriawasbitterlydisappointedtobepregnantso
soon.Thereisnoinformationregardingthisintheexpungedjournals,
althoughitishighlyprobablethatPrincessBeatricemayhaveremoved
allsuchremarks,consideringthemastoointime,andsotheearliestextant
instancesofVictoria’suraging”againstpregnancycomeinJunewhenshe
wasalreadyinhersecondtrimester.ToAlbert’sstepmothershecomplained:
ImustsaythatIcouldnotbemoreunhappy.Iamreally
upsetaboutitanditisspoilingmyhappiness;Ihavealways
hatedtheideaandIprayedtoGodnightanddaytobeleft
freeforatleastsixmonthsbutbeenansweredandIamreally
mostunhappy.Icannotunderstandhowanyonecanwish
forsuchathing,especiallyatthebeginningofamarriage.43
ToUncleLeopoldshewrotethatuthethingisodious”
44
andafew
dayslateradded:u[…]aboutmyself:reallyitistoodreadful.Icannotin
anywayseethegoodsideofthissadbusiness”.45Amorecompleteview
oftheQueen’srepugnanceofpregnancyandchildbirthcanbefoundin
letterswrittenin1858withthehindsightofcumulativeexperienceto
herthennewly-marriedeldestdaughter,thePrincessRoyal.
46
Perhaps,
asarguedbyafeministhistorian,theunenthusiasticviewsonmarriage
andmotherhoodincludedinherletterstothePrincessRoyalumayhave
beenavenuestoreleaselong-heldrepressedmemoriesofthefrightening
physicalaspectsofsexandchildbirth-whichshehadhadnochanceto
releasepreviously”.47
InanswertothePrincessRoyal’sobservationthatmarriedwomenhave
muchmoreliberty,theQueenagreesthatmarriagewouldbeuaforetasteof
heaven”anduunboundedhappiness-ifonehasahusbandoneworships!”
wereitnotforchildbearing:
[…]ifyouhavehereafter(asIhadconstantlyforthefrst
2yearsofmymarriage)-aches-andsufferingsandmis-
eriesandplagues-whichyoumuststruggleagainst-and
enjoymentsetc.togiveup-constantprecautionstotake,you
willfeeltheyokeofamarriedwoman[…]Ihad9timesfor
8monthstobearwiththoseabove-namedenemiesandreal
misery(besidesmanyduties)andIownittriedmesorely;
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