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Inamoment,hewould,bythisexchange,haveparted
withhisownunhappytemperament,hisown
deplorablebody,andhavesteppedintoanamiableand
prosperouslittleneutralkingdomthathadnodesires
andnoregrets.Hewouldhavebeenfreefromall
wants,exceptsuchascouldbegratifiedsoeasily
byalittleworkandagreatcapacityforbeingamused;
hewouldhavefoundhimselfexcellentlyfittingthe
nicheintowhichtherulersofbirthanddeathhad
placedhim:aneldestsonofagreatterritorial
magnate,whohadwhatwascalledastakeinthe
country,anddesirednothingbetter.
Willingly,ashehadsaid,wouldhehavechanged
circumstanceswithFrancis,butheknewthathewould
not,foranybaittheworldcoulddrawinfrontofhim,
havechangednatureswithhim,evenwhen,toall
appearance,thegainwouldsovastlyhavebeenonhis
side.Itwasbettertowantandtomissthan
tobecontent.Evenatthismoment,whenFrancishad
takenthesunshineoutoftheroomwithhisdeparture,
Michaelclungtohisowngloomandhisown
uncouthness,ifbygettingridofthemhewouldalso
havebeenobligedtogetridofhisowntemperament,
unhappyasitwas,butyetcapableofstrongdesire.
Hedidnotwanttobecontent;hewantedtoseealways
aheadofhimagoldenmist,throughwhichthe
shadowsofunconjecturableshapesappeared.Hewas
willingandeagertogetlost,ifonlyhemight
gowanderingon,gropingwithhisbighands,
stumblingwithhisclumsyfeet,desiring...
Therearetheindicationsofapathvisibletoallwho
desire.Michaelknewthathispath,thewaythat
seemedtoleadinthedirectionoftheultimategoal,
wasmusic.There,somehow,inthatdirectionlayhis
destiny;thatwastheroute.Hewasnotlikethe
majorityofhissexandyears,whoweavetheirphysical
andmentaldreamsintheloomofagirl’sface,inher
glance,inthecurvesofhermouth.Deliberately,owing
chieflytohismorbidconsciousnessofhisownphysical
