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defects,hehadlongbeenaccustomedtocheckthe
instinctsnaturaltoayoungmaninthisregard.Hehad
seentoooftenthefacilitywithwhichothers,more
fortunatethanhe,getdelightedlylostinthatgolden
haze;hehadexperiencedtoooftentheabsence
ofattractivenessinhimself.Howcouldanygirlofthe
Londonballroom,hehadsofrequentlyaskedhimself,
toleratedancingorsittingoutwithhimwhentherewas
Francis,andahundredotherslikehim,sopleased
totakehisplace?Nor,sohetoldhimself,washismind
onewhitmoreaptthanhisbody.Itdidnotmovelightly
andagreeablywithunconscioussmilesandeasy
laughter.Bynaturehewasmonkish,hewascelibate.
Hecouldbutceasetoburnincenseatsuchineffectual
altars,andhelp,ashehadhelpedthisafternoon,
toreplenishthecensersofmorefortunateacolytes.
Thiswasallfamiliartohim;itpassedthroughhis
headunbidden,whenFrancishadlefthim,likethe
refrainofsomewell-knownsong,occurring
spontaneouslywithoutneedofaneffortofmemory.
Itwasapossessionofhis,knownbyheart,and
itnolonger,exceptformomentarytwinges,hadany
bitternessforhim.Thisafternoon,itistrue,therehad
beenonesuch,whenFrancis,gleefulwithhischeque,
hadgoneouttohisdinnerandhistheatreandhis
dance,invitinghimcheerfullytoallofthem.Injust
thathadbeenthebitterness–namely,thatFrancishad
sooverflowingawell-springofcontentthathecould
becordialinbiddinghimcastacertaingloomover
theseentertainments.Michaelknew,quiteunerringly,
thatFrancisandhisfriendswouldnotenjoythemselves
quitesomuchifhewaswiththem;therewouldbethe
restraintofpoliteconversationatdinnerinstead
ofcompletelyidlebabble,therewouldbeless
outspokennormalityattheGaiety,alittlemore
decorumaboutthewholeoftheboyishproceedings.
Heknewallthatsowell,soterriblywell...
.
Hisservanthadcomeinwiththeeveningpaper,and
theimpliedsuggestionoftheproprietyofgoing
